1. |
BOYZ NITE OUT (REMIX)
02:32
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BOYZ NITE OUT:
LH: So, uhhh..
BH: Yeah.
LH: I’ve been looking through my rolodex-
BH: Uh huh.
LH:- for some good times-
BH: Oh yeah!
LH: -and all the girls numbers have been ripped out!
BH: What are we going to do?
LH: Well, uh, I guess we’ll make do with what we
got-ah.
BOYZ NITE OUT!
It’s a-it’s a!
BOYZ NITE OUT!
It’s just a block away
BOYZ NITE OUT!
Put the top down
BOYZ NITE OUT!
It just happened that way
Etc.
A-Okay!
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2. |
DIVAS
03:30
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Divas!
The way their dresses touch the floor, you know
they’re Divas
The way their dresses hit the floor, they are Divas
Divas
People parting on the floor for the Divas
Divas amongst the people making the scene, look but do
not touch, let’s keep them clean
It’s a very rare appearance for the Divas
There should be a Diva channel, all day Divas
There should be a Diva channel, all night Divas
Divas
Divas amongst the people making the scene, look but do
not touch, let’s keep them clean
It’s a very rare appearance for the Divas
Divas
I wipe the crumbs from my face for the Divas
I hope I’m in the right place vis a vis V.I.P. the
Divas
Divas amongst the people making the scene, look but do
not touch, let’s keep them clean
It’s a very rare appearance for the Divas
Divas
Blue lady in blue, maybe one day, maybe one day
You can be a diva, too
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3. |
IN PRAISE OF OLDER WOMEN
02:58
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Praise, sing praise!
Praise, sing praise!
In praise of older women!
You’re not scared, you know what you want and you
thrill me, ooh, you thrill me
I take your hand, instructor-lover, you guide me,
won’t you guide me
Young girls, don’t get us wrong cuz we be digging you,
too
But this song ain’t about you, it’s in praise of older
women
In praise of older women
I’ve had a lot of experience, ooh lady, ooh lady
I couldn’t have had that experience without a woman of
experience
But please do take note, beauty doesn’t fade with age
It only changes
You’re glamourous, yes, you’re glamourous!
In praise of older women
In praise of older women
In praise of older women
In praise of older women
(scat)
(rap)
They know exactly what they want
And they want me
Etc.
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4. |
LAUGHING AT ME
04:32
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LAUGHING AT ME
The loss of dreams, the loss of dreams
And belief in fate
If there is fate
It’s in all of you
Pretending to be
There for me
But secretly
Laughing at me
You are all devils
Ha ha ha ha ha!
That’s the sound of you all laughing at me
I can hear it even when I’m alone
Seems the world is laughing at me
None of you will leave me alone
I try to sleep
Shutting you out
Shutting my eyes
I come up empty
And in all of my dreams
You’re still laughing at me
Do I know you?
Do you know me?
What motivates you?
And why would you do this to me?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
That’s the sound of you all laughing at me
I can hear it even when I’m alone
Seems the world is laughing at me
None of you will leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me aloooooooooooone
You never seen beneath the mask
Although you never stopped to ask
Have you ever stopped to ask
“How are you-really?”
I know too much that sound ringing in my ear
It’s the trigger and you’re the puppeteer
Now’s the time that I show fear!
The whole world’s laughing at me
I can hear it even when I’m alone
Seems the world is laughing at me
None of you will leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me aloooooooooooone
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5. |
EROTIC THRILLER
03:46
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Went to ‘Nam then came back, got messed up for nothing
Then, hey, I see you, you got hot little body
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Expense account, partied too hard, college girls gone
wild card
Sinner man’s a good man, this gun’s for hiring
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Beep beep! Honk honk! Hee haw!
Beep beep! Honk honk! Hee haw!
Beep beep! Honk honk! Hee haw!
Beep beep! Honk honk!
Ha ha!
The night comes on like velvet
Your ruby red lips set against it
Bulletholes in the hot tub
Masked man in the parlour
Stilletto heels like daggers
Intrigue on the Riviera
Room service imposter
Role playing game
Adventurer
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Oooooooh…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
The Master of The…Erotic thriller (Erotic thriller)
Etc.
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6. |
LIL HAMM'S PAD
01:17
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7. |
COUPLES NITE
04:02
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Thanks a lot for inviting me to your couples nite
again
Thanks a lot for thinking of me as your very special
friend
It’s so good to see you all getting on
As good couples should
It’s so nice to see you’ve fallen in love
As good couples should
I was in that so very long ago
With someone who gave me that chance
And, au contrair, there she is over there
Looking fair with her new mate
It’s so good to see they’ve fallen in love
I introduced them, it’s true
It’s so good to see them getting along
As good couples should
As good couples should
That’s about enough of this rigamarole
I’ll be over here by the fruity punch bowl
I see you’ve put food out
You know where I’ll be
I know where I’ll be
Try to act funny
Drink myself funny
A little too funny
Sorry
Just my sinus headache talking bad to me
So stuffed up, so much pressure
Take a decongestant, help relieving me
So stuffed up, so much pressure
Mixed with this punch makes cacophony
It’s so good to see you all getting on
As good couples should
It’s so nice to see you’ve fallen in love
As good couples should
As good couples should
I been there before
Etc.
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8. |
THE CONVERSATION
03:54
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THE CONVERSATION
(Please assume this phone is tapped!)
One false misstep, loose lips and tongue, one false
misstep, loose lips and tongue
(Please be sure to not slip up)
Don’t slip up, it could alter things, affecting things
very badly, very badly
Privacy where is our privacy?
Tear the walls apart for privacy
(There is more than just the tap!)
There is more than just the tap, won’t ever find the
bug, won’t ever find the bug
(Will we ever find the tap?)
Where could it be? Where could it be? The tap, where
could it be?
(Searching high and searching low)
Search high and low, high and low, who put it there,
who put it there?
(And whoever put it there?)
And from who’s end did that click come from?
From whose end did that click come from?
Privacy where is our privacy?
Tear the walls apart for privacy
Privacy where is our privacy?
Tear the walls apart for privacy
And lets’ do some tapping ourselves
Let’s tap!
(tap solo)
Privacy where is our privacy?
Tear the walls apart for privacy
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9. |
PRINCES OF POPTRONICA
03:40
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Steeping out in our new fall fashions
(We are the Princes of Poptronica)
This new line is the colour of passion
(We are the Princes of Poptronica)
We don’t know no back to school
We just know the golden rule
And that’s to dance, dance, dance, downbeat dance
It’s too late to hop on bandwagons
(We are the Princes of Poptronica)
If we’re on the charts then the charts are sagging
(We are the Princes of Poptronica)
We don’t know, we have no clue
We just know what we wanna do
And that’s to dance, dance, dance, downbeat dance
Dance, dance, into the spotlight, downbeat dance
Squeeze the lemon til it’s dry, move on
(It rocks, it’s great, it’s out of date)
Squeeze the lemon til it’s dry, move on
(It rocks, it’s great, it’s out of date)
What’s my motivation here? What’s my motivation here?
To clash out!
We’ll sell ourselves-short!
We’ll sell ourselves-short!
We’ll sell ourselves-short!
We’ll sell ourselves-short!
Etc.
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10. |
BIG HAMM'S PAD
02:09
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11. |
LOVE HANDLES
03:22
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Some say the closer the bone the sweeter the meat
But I’m a real big boy and you’re in for a treat, yeah
The weight of my situation is making you weak
I’m going to wrap you up in love from your head to
your feet
Whooaahhhhh whoah-ho, love handles
Can you handle it? Can you handle my loooove?
Whoah-ho love handles
Hold on tight
Now come one pretty baby let’s go for a ride
Hey hey hey!
It’s a gourmet invitation to a super size celebration
It’s a smorgasbord of pleasure I’m cooking, cooking it
up for two
Cuz my thyroid is overactive and so is my imagination
My metabolism’s on a slow burn, it’s burning
You’re hurting, it’s burning
I’m burning it up for youuuu!
Whooaahhhhh whoah-ho, love handles
Can you handle it? Can you handle my loooove?
Whoah-ho love handles
Hold on tight
Now come one pretty baby let’s go for a ride
Hey hey hey!
Hey hey hey!
Hey hey hey!
Hey hey hey!
And she said
“I can’t keep my hands off your body”
I got it, you want it, let’s put it together
“I can’t keep my hands off your body”
I’ll open the drawbridge and let you inside
“I can’t keep my hands off your body”
There’s a love seat for two to curl up on, don’t be
shy
“I can’t keep my hands off your body”
Now look up, look wayyy up and ask yourself why’d you
ever want to take your hands off of this?
Whooaahhhhh whoah-ho, love handles
Can you handle it? Can you handle my loooove?
Whoah-ho love handles
Hold on tight
Now come one pretty baby let’s go for a ride
Hey hey hey!
Do it up, do it up in comfort and style!
Hey hey eh!
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12. |
SEAFOOD TACO
02:47
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It’s been around for thousands of years but it’s just
catching on
Shhhhhhhh….
Oh way-oh!
I smuggled it across the border
I smuggled it via underwater
She said
Even a fish shouldn’t drink the water
Seafood taco!
I held the stick that broke the piñata
But it wasn’t candy coming down atcha
She said
I don’t understand what she said
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a sombrero
Oh way-oh!
Seafood taco!
Oh way-oh
Eye yie yie ya ya!
Oh way-oh!
Seafood taco!
Oh way-oh
Eye yie yie ya ya!
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a sombrero
Oh way-oh!
Seafood taco!
Oh way-oh
Eye yie yie ya ya!
Oh way-oh!
Seafood taco!
Oh way-oh
Eye yie yie ya ya!
Shake it shake it baby come on come on
Etc.
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13. |
CANNONBALL RUN
03:25
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14. |
UNNAMED TRACK (BONUS)
01:55
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15. |
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16. |
HIDDEN TRACK
02:32
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Canned Hamm
"God bless Canned Hamm." ~Chartattack.com
Who is Canned Hamm? Two very special ‘entainers’ who bear gifts of good times,
fun and laughter for all - with just a sprinkle of life’s harsh realities.
Big Hamm, a.k.a. Stephen Hamm and Lil’ Hamm, a.k.a. Robert Dayton.
They've toured plenty and made some albums. Their videos can be seen on Youtube.
... more
Canned Hamm recommends:
Something For Everyone
by July Fourth Toilet
Not Canned Hamm but the members have been VERY active here.
go to album
Theremin Man
by Stephen Hamm: Theremin Man
Guess which half of Canned Hamm this is!
go to albumIf you like Canned Hamm, you may also like:
Speakeasy - Live 2016
by John Robins
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans.
go to album
Taylor Ham, Egg, And Cheese
by Chris Gethard
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone.
go to album
In A Time Of Trouble A Wild Exultation
by Jaye Bartell
A stunning and sparse follow-up to last year's "Light Enough" from Brooklyn songwriter Jaye Bartell.
go to album
Just Putting It Out There
by Aparna Nancherla
This dry, wry, gently absurdist comedian's first album is the inaugural release for Tig Notaro's new label, Bentzen Ball Records.
go to album
